3 posts tagged “women”

I had a productive day yesterday.  Ages ago at lunch with Ginger Sister she mentioned something about people who cook once a month, and they cook up lots of meals and freeze stuff and just pop something in the oven when it’s time to eat.  So before our move to the new house I decided to give that a try.  Mainly because I know that if I didn’t, that we’d spend a fortune grabbing “fast food” just because we’d both be too tired from the moving work that neither of us would want to cook.  We liked it and I learned a lot in the process.  So yesterday was my second go-round.

I started off making six casseroles with potatoes, sausage and green beans.   It can be a nice combination if the sausage is good and the last time we went shopping I found a five pound bag of cooked sausage and so I bought it.  (And no, I didn’t use all 5 pounds in these casseroles.) 

While I was cooking I had the laptop in the kitchen and I figured out the calorie content of each serving as I went along.  That made a tedious job somewhat intellectually interesting.  And it amazes me how the pile of low calorie high nutrition veggies are equal to a cup of some higher calorie food.  It’s really interesting to cook and do the math at the same time!  So I ended up with some meals under 400 calories and some over 600, so I can do a better job of keeping an eye on my weight.

Then I made six quiches and they look lovely.  I buy the deep dish pie shells at Wally’s and then load them up with veggies plus some sausage.  Each one got three eggs and a ½ cup of milk and cheese on top.  Surprisingly with all that good stuff in there, it’s still a good meal and not nearly as many calories as you’d think.

Then I made six veggie casseroles with a bit of ham for flavor and some tofu to bring up the protein.  I baked them for an hour and that was that.

Then I baked four pork loin roasts and they turned out beautifully and they make the house smell wonderful.  I wonder if that makes my dogs hungry to smell such good things?

Hubby got home just in time to skin two packs of chicken thighs.  So after he did that and popped them in the baking pans I dressed them up with a variety of marinade/flavors from teriyaki to lemon pepper to the last of the honey mustard dressing.  We had the honey mustard ones for dinner and they were yummy!  Those turned into eight pans in the oven, four to a rack and maybe that even saves some energy to cook that much food at one time.  Maybe I lose when I reheat them later, I don’t know.

I made two huge pots of rice, one a Mexican style and the other with a combination was more of a fried rice with some interesting spices plus some pineapple juice that made it taste “sweet and sour” and it turned out pretty good in my opinion. 

Then I packaged up pork loin or chicken thighs with rice and veggie casserole, some in individual servings and some in doubles for when hubby is home.  I counted and it looks like I made 80 meals.  I’m pretty impressed with myself and who knows if it will last me a month or not but I can spend a day making some other kinds of things for a little more variety later on.

I don’t use recipes, so this kind of thing is really an experiment.  And in these kinds of quantities, we’re up a creek if I make something we hate or something that doesn’t survive the freezer.  LOL!  That hasn't happened - YET.  I spent some time on the internet doing research and it looks like some of the good folks who use this method are making primarily meat and potato dishes and a heck of a lot of cream, sour cream and cheese which doesn’t seem all that balanced to me.  I was amazed at the lack of veggies or anything green, but maybe those people are adding a green salad to the meal they are reheating.  But why make food ahead if you still have to make the salad?  That just doesn’t make sense to me but maybe it would if I had fourteen children.  So anyway, I wanted to make sure the meals I was making were healthy and balanced.  When we cook in a hurry we don’t choose a healthy diet and so I have been intentional in my food choices when shopping for this kind of cooking.

When we first started to go to the church we currently attend, the word got out that hubby does most of the cooking.  At the time that was a convenience issue.  As a school teacher he got home long before I did and sometimes I’d be home quite late from the gallery and if the man wanted to eat, he was going to have to make something.  The ladies at the church would talk to me about recipes and stuff and though I understood that they were just trying to make conversation, that just wasn’t my life.  As a business owner I didn’t have time for trying new recipes and entertaining.  It was interesting to notice that their assumption was that my husband cooks because I can’t.  We may be a little outside the box but it would be a mistake to think that I can’t cook.  I can.  I prepared the meals in my family from before I hit my teens, I’ve had years of practice cooking for a family and when I prepare a meal for guests, it gets good reviews.  I still remember one sweet lil church lady suggesting that maybe someone should get me cooking lessons for Christmas.  What a strange assumption!  So wrong on so many levels.  I’m self taught at a lot of things, and if I got “lessons” for Christmas, please let it be something I can use!  (Like dance or metal-smithing or hot glass.)  I’m actually pretty good at creating a delicious, attractive and healthy meal.  And then I put in my facebook status that I was spending the day cooking.  And another woman from church made a comment about that being a sign of the apocalypse.  There it is again.  What’s up with that?  Yes, I cook.  No, I doubt that it will cause the end of the world.  Yet. 

I just had to sit and think about it and decide that I have nothing to prove to these people.  Anyone can tell by looking at us that we are NOT starving.  And though it may be a high priority in some circles for me to stay home, try recipes and take care of my husband… well… that’s just not my life.  And who knows, it may never be.  And before anyone decides to be sad for my husband, he is a capable man who is actually a good cook in his own right.  And his life would be much less dimensional if I deprived him of this creative outlet where he can make the things he likes best.  Society’s roles just don’t work for me, and much less when sweet little church ladies seem to suggest (not with their words but with their expectations) that somehow God is wrapped up in these social gender based role issues.  Honestly, I’d just like to create a new “normal” where women and men both get to do the things they are good or choose to do - regardless of gender.  But look at me, I’ve left blogging and gone on to preaching.  Oh wait, a woman preaching?  All together now:  <GASP!!!>       

A friend of mine was expressing his concerns over a friendship he has with a woman who is not his wife.  To stay in the situation has some troublesome aspects, to leave would be a betrayal.  It was an interesting comment and got me to thinking.

I wish it could just be about two people being friends and not about what gender they are and the details.  I have given this issue some thought.  One of my best friends was a man until I moved away and we began to drift some.  My hubby humorously calls him my “boyfriend.”  LOL!  I jokingly refer to some of his female friends his “girlfriends” but I’m proud that he can be a friend to them, and that he is compassionate and caring.  Anyway, I caught some flack for my friendship with a man from other male friends – oh the irony.  And at the time I found it to be a question of what I valued the most.  I could either value my friend, or I could walk away.  But what were the reasons to walk away?  There were people in my life saying things like “you can’t be home when the plumber comes to fix stuff because it’s the appearance of evil” and “never be alone anywhere with a man who is not your husband” and “never eat a meal with a man you aren’t married to because it’s an intimacy.”  All this stuff is wrapped up in “my Christian witness.”  I had to wonder how the plumber feels when the woman fled the house he had to work in, or how the guy feels when the woman flees when he enters the room.  People are savy, they can sense motives.  They can tell it when someone finds their presence (not their actions - simply their presence!!) to be an affront to someone’s sense of “rightness.”  How does it feel to think that someone finds my presence (not anything about me other than my gender) troubling because of their values and beliefs?  Strange, huh?!

And really, some of that stuff just isn’t realistic.  My husband can sit at the lunch table with a bunch of women at school, either I’m going to freak out about that “intimacy” or I’m going to get a life.  Male teachers are a minority, so get real.  I have lunch with men who I’m not married to, and especially when I had the gallery there was no way to control who came into my shop and if I was going to be alone with a man or not, sometimes quite a few men at a time.  And come on, exactly how am I to run a business without being alone with men from time to time?  Especially when they are clients and contemporaries. 

All those “don’t do this or that” seems IMO to be based around fear, but why so fearful?  Am I trustworthy or not?  What is so frightening or dangerous about being around a man I’m not married to?  Certainly there are dangerous men (and women) who should be avoided, and thankfully – we’ve been given gut instincts to alert us to those situations and those people.  But there are also men who are “safe” and men who can control their urges, whatever they are.  And if two trustworthy people agree to be friends but not romantic, then why all the fear?  In the end I came to the conclusion that I was not ready to sacrifice a good friend on the altar of religion or fear, what kind of message would that send to someone I genuinely cared about?  I knew there was the chance that something strange would happen, even that one of us would wind up hurting.  But I chose to take the risk because I found the individual worth it.  Only history will tell if all that was right or wrong, because the last chapters have not been written yet.

And those same people who can’t be alone in the house with a plumber would never express affection to someone they aren’t married to.  But I say/write it all the time.  Am I having an affair with a variety of men (and/or women) when I express my fondness or affection?  I believe life is one hard bitch and that if we appreciate people – we should tell them so.  I could die tomorrow and I’d really want my friends to know that I loved them fiercely.  I wouldn’t want them to be left guessing.  So for me it boils down to one very simple thing.  My heart belongs to my husband.  But that doesn’t mean that the totality of my affection in this life is going to be wrapped up only in him.  He wouldn’t want that.  That leaves room for a lot of affection for other people – as long as everyone understands – my heart belongs to my man, and his to me.

There is an irony in all this.  It would be possible for me to have an affair with a woman.  Not likely, but yet entirely possible.  Yet those religious folks don’t talk about avoiding time alone with a person of the same gender.  Isn’t that interesting?  If we were realistic, we’d just avoid people all together because of the inevitable sin involved in ALLLLLLL relationships.  Um…  yeah…  Let’s think about THAT for a moment.  People are messy, relationships are messy.  We can chose how “safe” we’re going to play it and how much we’re going to allow fear to rule our choices.  But be aware that where you draw your “safety zone” actually affects more individuals than just yourself.  Maybe the plumber just lost his dog (or worse) and needs to talk – even to a complete stranger.  Sacrificing people to some sense of righteousness is like saying you’re a vegan while sitting down to eat a sausage and egg omelet and freaking over the buttered toast.  I don’t always get this right.  I’ve been burnt more than once.  But somewhere along the line I decided that living safe wasn’t as valuable to me as another good friend.  I need good friends.  There are precious few.  We all need them.  And please Lord, may I never be proved wrong about the people I’ve chosen to trust with my affection.  Please Lord!  Well, even if the humans disappoint - which happens - may I be a person of grace.  That might be the better prayer.  Please Lord!

I’ve been struggling with the whole waitress gig, but I’m beginning to see that as a very good thing.  My hubby's reply to an earlier post (http://thelifechoice.vox.com/library/post/confessions-of-a-tired-waitress-wearing-ugly-shoes.html) pretty much knocked my socks off.  I’m a blessed woman to have him in my life.  And the next time I have a really forward man in my face, maybe I’ll just start telling him about my husband who is such a source of strength and stability for me.  I have been exceptionally blessed with exceptional men in my life, my father and brother are people I have a deep respect and admiration for.  My husband is an amazing gift.  I’m a blessed woman.

Even though I have allowed the job to shake my focus for a while, being a waitress is only what I do - it is not who I am.  I can come home to the truth of who I am again, God knows I’ve needed these kinds of reminders repeatedly over the years.  I’ve recently come back to the idea that I had initially when I started the job search.  I was struggling in my art studio having come to the place where my beloved brink walls were caving in on me, I was feeling caged and artistically stuck.  So I went down the street and got a job.  Yeah, the waitressing gig.  So my thought was that I’d work for a while, make some money and get out of my comfort zone for a while.  Then I’d come back to my studio, launch my next business and get on with life.  But somewhere in the middle of “work for a while, make some money and get out of my comfort zone for a while” was the “ACK!  I’m out of my comfort zone!  EEEEK!!!”  And, well, that was… uh… well… uncomfortable.  (well, duh!)  So now I’m realizing that this is more of a “mission accomplished” kind of thing and a little less “eeeek, let me off this Titanic.”  So I’m thinking that all that was probably a really good thing and for the last couple of days I’ve been able to go into work with a better attitude.

This may be a little shamelessly self congratulatory of me, but I think I’m getting pretty darn good at this job.  AFTER last Saturday night when all hell broke lose in the place I pretty much know that the waitressing part isn’t going to shake me up.  As long as I don’t have to deal with the loud music I can pretty much face the crowds and hold my own with anyone.  Of course I'd prefer if the clients and co-workers would all behave and keep their hands to themselves.  I don't always get what I want though.  Saturday we had an early rush, then a serious slam somewhere between one and two o’clock.  I turned around and the door opened and the stream of people just didn’t end for a while till the place was full of more people than we had seats for.  Craziness.  So I handled all the tables in my half of the restaurant and the boss lady and the new girl I was training took care of the other side.  Yeah!  I’m gaining a lot of confidence by knowing that I did a good job, and made people happy, and did a lot of that at once.  I came home with a very nice amount of money in tips, and I’m not minding that one bit.

I’m also feeling pretty good that I’m covering things pretty well each morning and getting a lot of work done that has really improved how things work at the restaurant.  I’m the only one taking care of quite a few things, which is great until I’m not there.  But it also gives me a feeling that I’m needed, that I’m doing a good job and that I really need to work at training my replacement into the job performance.  Restaurant work depends on students, and students leave/arrive for school in the Fall and also again in the Spring.  And so Restaurants all over town have to completely rework their staff twice a year as the kids go off to college, and the college students arrive.  It’s just a fact of life here.  I’m getting a sense of accomplishment out of helping these two bosses through this transition – no matter how I feel about them as people on some days.  And this experience has taught me that I can face a big shift in my comfort zone, and after I get my equilibrium back, I can grow comfortable in a completely new setting with new parameters.  If I can give myself the time to regain my equilibrium, and combine that with the willingness to go after big changes, I can gain a completely new comfort zone.  In short, this job has taught me that I can be transformed.

I had some time this afternoon with some business planning.  And that feels good.  The next phase of my life as an artist and entrepreneur is just around the corner.  I can be transformed.  I can become the person that I need to be in order to run the company that is in my dreams, and it’s the biggest dream I’ve ever had, significantly bigger than the last one which was just owning and running a gallery.  And that one was a pretty big one, and God made the impossible possible there, and He can do it again.  And if I’m willing to take on what He has next for me, I can be transformed.  Yet again.

Pastor talked about Rosh Hashanah this morning and the time of fasting that comes with the Jewish New Year, a time of new beginnings, repentance and humbling of self.  (this waitressing gig has been very humbling for me.)  Our congregation will engage in forty days of fasting in a variety of ways.  The goal is to see our desire for God to increase in our lives, as well as our ability to love God as He should be loved.  Individuals can sign up for a day or fast something for the whole forty days.  As Pastor spoke I thought that it seemed fitting to be learning about this kind of celebration and humbling that gives birth to new beginnings, new possibilities; especially now, when I’m in the middle of so much transition personally.  It’s good to go through these phases of laying down the old comfort zone and daring to explore the possibilities that still lie untried and untested in life.  We all need transformation from time to time in our lives.  We all need to know that we can face big change, take some time to recover our equilibrium and grow into a completely new comfort zone.  No, it isn’t easy, it can be downright painful, but it’s the beauty of faith, hope and vision for the future.  It’s the beauty of a God who transforms us, and makes the impossible into the possible.