3 posts tagged “santa”

Father Christmas Cake

Yay, I made this cake a couple of weeks ago for a private party.  I can’t remember what was inside, either spice or white chocolate or something like that.  On top I made a Father Christmas out of fondant and butter cream along with a couple teddy bears and a whole bunch of packages that were also out of fondant.  I was really pleased by how it turned out. 

Dear Santa,

I am not your elf.  I am not your employee.  And I don’t want you watching me.  And if you show up after dark in my home with a sack, I’ll be letting out the dogs and looking for something I can use to bash in your head.  Don’t tell me to be nice, how I handle my social relationships is none of your business.  And if you should try parking your herd or your lard ass on my roof, I’ll blast you to kingdom come.  And that bit about you flying - that's rich.  And really, who wears red from head to toe these days besides pimps… and fur… wtf?  And what's up with the elves anyway?  I don't want anything that came from a sweatshop of elves!  I don’t want you on my TV screen, and I don’t want to see you ringing a bell outside the stores when I’m shopping.  I don’t care about any of your buddies like Charlie Brown, Jack Frost or Frosty the Snowman… and a reindeer with a red nose that lights up is about the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.  So leave me off your list, don’t come near my chimney and I’ll cry and pout if I damn well please.  Buy a suit, get a shave, loose some weight and get a job like the rest of us poor schlups.  And get some pills for your grandiose ideas.  And furthermore… BAH HUMBUG!