So it's Mother's Day again? I'll pass

nobody@vox.com(Artzy Carmen) — Sat, 10 May 2008 22:39:02 -0700

I saw a friend’s facebook status update. She hates Mother’s Day because of the recent loss of her mother. My heart went out to her. I have grown to hate Mother’s Day, but for different reasons.

My hubby and I don’t have children and I learned over the years not to put myself through going to church on Mother’s and Father’s Days. Generally speaking for a childless couple, church on those days is an exercise in innocent torture devices. And since I’m no fan of silent unseen knives and daggers… I’ve learned to skip.

I remember walking in on a conversation that my Father-in-law was having with someone about Father’s Day at church. He was griping that their church didn’t celebrate it much because it caused pain for infertile couples and he went on at length about how wrong that was. He said being a father is something that should be celebrated and he didn’t know why that should be taken away from him just because some people are touchy. He said he’d been a good father and he was proud of that. And in his opinion this sensitivity thing had gone so far that it took the fun out of things for everyone. I said nothing, just walked away as he continued to expound on the theme. I suppose it was worth pointing out that one infertile couple in a congregation can ruin the celebration of Mother’s Day for everyone by being all selfish and thin skinned (providing the celebration has actually been tailored with any sensitivity whatsoever.) It really is such an audacity to suggest that church should NOT be the place where one’s raw places are treated to a deluxe case of superiority and insensitivity. And yes, he knew I was in the room observing the conversation. And yes, he knew our situation. And yes, he blithered on like a leaky faucet anyway. (Emphatic Explicative!)

Jesus said "Forgive them for they know not what they do." But what about when they DO know what they are doing and do it anyway? Still then? (Yeah!) There are aspects of this "follower of Jesus" thing is no walk in the park. Good thing I don't have to do it by myself.

I’ve seen the outline for the service for Sunday. I’ve been given the week off the worship team and I will be mercifully absent. And I suspect there will be some other empty seats as well. Hubby on the other hand, has to run sound and will attend despite what is planned.

I’m glad there is a Mother’s Day. I wouldn’t want to dampen the joy for anyone because motherhood is indeed a cool thing. All kinds of deserving (and undeserving) mammals get the singular pleasure of delivering a beautiful tiny helpless version of them (or die trying.) And generally speaking, after the initial mess is over with, baby animals are really cool, especially baby humans. There is so much destiny and purpose in each deep breath of life filling up those tiny lungs! Yeah, there is definitely something about the little screamers!

And one day that will be me. We have started the adoption process and it’s entirely possible that my children are already out there somewhere. And if they are born, then they are already mine – whether or not I can hold them tonight. But we are not far enough along in the process to have a referral so it’s still pretty hard to wrap my head around that at the moment. We’re just in a weird in-between phase. And maybe this will be my last year skipping the indecencies of a Sunday morning torture session. And maybe not.

There will come a time when I’ll celebrate Mother’s Day with my children around me, grateful that finely there was an answer to a prayer I’ve prayed for nearly two decades. But I’ll never celebrate without an eye out for those with tears in their eyes on that day. And I’ll understand far too well why their spot at church may be empty on certain Sundays. And I’ll add my own prayers to all of theirs in the hopes that God will give them the desires of their hearts. Yes, my turn will come. But I will never forget what it was like to be on the outside looking in. Yes, for a long time, all Abraham had were the stars in a dark night sky.

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