5 posts tagged “job”

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This is the lovely little cake the signaled the end of my bakery employment.  I think it turned out really cute, but I went through enough drama over this one cake that it made me realize a thing or two.  It is time to begin the end of my time there.   

In the process of going back through some old posts today and seeing the various complaints and whining I’ve been doing… and to see the same complaints repeated and see that nothing will change.  I just can't become that person that stays at a job I hate because I'm too freaked out to get on with my real life and get off this detour.

I think I’ll talk to boss lady, she’ll offer me more money and I’ll quote some obscene figure and see what happens.  Then I’ll make enough money to buy myself a brand new computer and then blow that pop stand.  Sounds like a lovely plan!  Maybe some things will improve.  Maybe the negotiations will lead me back to that brick wall.  I can live with that. 

I’m going to do a little more research into some of the retail spaces that I saw available in town recently.  There are some interesting options out there!  There most certainly are!  Maybe I can do some research and something interesting can evolve.  It's time.  I think I'm ready to get back to being a retail shop owner again.

yeah

I like the sound of that!

There was about an hour in my day today that felt electric.  I felt some of the cloud of depression give just a little, and I got a glimmer of hope.  I’d like to say I had a spiritual epiphany that I finally found God in a way that made it all better.  Nope.  He wasn’t lost.  That would be me.  Uh… moving on… 

It all happened in the space of a few moments but we spent hours afterward considering the possible consequences.  Sorry, I’ll have to be rather vague here but what I can say…  SUDDENLY: An invitation to apply for a job at a place where I shop often and spend much moolah followed only a few seconds later by a phone call that brought both of us to a nearly giddy place of contemplating some serious improvement in our financial situation.  Oy!  Just for a second there I had a burst of hope and possibility.  Just for a moment I saw just how seriously sad I am and how much that “stuckness” is draining the life from me, maybe even making me physically ill.  Shocking to see yourself that way, but it was also strangely hopeful. 

So I have a plan. 

I'm going to dream again.  Yes I am!

I’m going to spend some time clarifying my vision – what is it that I really want to see happen here?  What can I possibly discern of what God wants to see happen here?  Do a little dreaming, right furiously in my journal and stare wide eyed into space while my tea grows cold and my dogs nap on the floor by me.  Hmmm…. Sounds yummy!

I’m going to apply for that job.  *giggle!*  Yeah, actually I already have.  (I've applied twice before and came so close...  but not close enough)  But don’t tell anyone...  It’s our little secret.  J  More money and an employee discount that kicks ass and benefits?  For real?  Pinch me!

I’m going to do whatever it takes to get the process rolling on the other opportunity.  No grass growing under my feet there.  No sir!

I’ve been thinking again about the next phase of business for me.  I am going to put some serious thought into that once more, pray a lot, create a plan and then see what I can do to work it on out.  Especially with kids added into the mix…  hmmm… that’s going to be an interesting brainstorming session!  Yeah baby!

And I’m going to get into another writing project.  I wish they did NaNoWriMo any month of the year and at any given time you could log in and write a book with a bunch of other people somewhere around the world.  I’d totally dig that right now.  It helped to have that artificial pressure – otherwise…  uh… what was I sayin? 

To celebrate my happy moment I bought shelves for my laundry room.  So once I get the kitchen backsplash tile project finished (or sooner) I’ll be dragging the chaos out of the laundry room and putting up those shelves and bringing back ORDER.  Hallelujah! 

Hope just feels good all over.   

Oh Lord, what have I done now?

I left the pizza job looking for a little less drama.  I got this *great* new job at the cake place.  And today…  I worked with the other decorator at the cake place.  I’m shocked!  I’m horrified.  And I’m up a creek without a paddle!  Or a canoe.  I’m up a creek with nothing but creek.  Slippery rocks, cold water and… well… *creek!*  Oh. My. God!

To be fair, I knew that it could get interesting because I just got hired in and I didn’t know what I would be facing with this woman, if she would be territorial or intimidated or whatever.  I spent some time with Boss Lady this morning just talking about how things were going to be with this other decorator (or maybe hack is a better term for her) and Boss Lady assured me that there would be no problem – or if there was – that she’d let her go.  Hmmm…  That has a ring to it.  She’ll let her go, she’ll let her go. 

*snap*

(Shakes self)

Um,

where was I?

I got to work this morning and the equipment was moved around a bit.  It wasn’t going to work for me at all.  Boss Lady told me to make it work for me so I moved things around a little more.  It needs tweaking but it’s a decent work area for the moment.  Until the Hack arrived.  She started the mumble grumble almost immediately.  She’d go mumble grumble to one co-worker, and then on to the next.  All around the room – all where I could hear – all unpleasant.  After a while she quit making the rounds, just did her grumbling from the table next to mine.  After a while I wasn’t sure whether to cry or fanaticize about snapping off her head like a twig.  But the annoying mouth still continued on and on all afternoon.  “Yada yada” doesn’t even cover it.  I think they make drugs for that kind of behavior, but I’m partial to duct tape applied directly to the oral cavity region.

I left her alone.  Yeah, like that’s rocket science.  I stayed out of her way, I tried to ignore.  Ok.  For those of you who don’t know me… there is a timer associated with “letting it slide” setting on me.  And at some point, I don’t just “let it slide” anymore.  The little timer will go “DING!” and I’ll get in the hack's face!  It won’t be pretty.  I wish I could do it as well as Julia Sugarbaker from “Designing Women.”  I can’t.  Hmmm... that's a lovely goal though. 

She made one cake while I was there (while I made three or four – now I’m starting to understand why the prices are so high because the hack is so freaking SLOW it isn’t even funny)  Ok, where was I?  She did a beautiful job icing the cake.  It was lovely (took forever) but was lovely.  Then she decorated it.  Um…  To be fair – it wasn’t horrible.  But it wasn’t good.  Here’s the problem.  I’ll tell my friends that I work at (insert name of bakery here) and that will be groovy.  But what if they see one of her cakes and think that is my work?  I want my reputation to be earned by my own work – not by hers!  Seriously!

I asked Boss Lady for a private moment and so we talked about Hack.  I simply looked Boss Lady in the eye and said I wasn’t prepared to work with this much drama.  She said that yes, Hack being horrible and it is ridiculous and shouldn’t be.  Boss Lady had already talked to me about doing particular cakes, and when I left Hack was starting a cake that Boss Lady had talked to me about.  I got the impression she asked and Boss Lady said sure honey, whatever you want.  I’m wondering if Boss Lady has a spine with this woman or if she’ll let her walk all over her and the rest of us.  So Boss Lady calls her a Prima Donna (I’m going to have to look that up) temperamental and selfish - all behind her back to me – but will she speak directly TO HER and tell her what needs to change?  Boss Lady told me that that it’s not just me that other employees have been complaining about her as well.  Not sure why she admitted that to me, but ok.  Now what?  I feel horrible for Boss Lady, the Hack is her good friend.  Yeah, I feel a little worse for me, but I'm willing to spread a little pity Boss Lady's way.  So the question of my day is: Is Boss Lady going to do something to make this all go away or am I going back to pizza purgatory?  I’m going to give it a few days and see if it all settles down or not. 

Seriously!  I am so shocked!  I really thought I’d happened upon something really amazing and I was very hopeful.  Now I’m just annoyed.  I really want to like humans, but I think the deck is stacked with jokers and jacks. 

Yeah. 

I went into work this morning at the pizza place.  They told me I wasn’t on the schedule, and I went back to look.  Hunter is on today, so I guess this is his shot at getting his act together.  That will be good for him.  That’s Boss Lady’s way of making him sink or swim.  So I hung out briefly with my favorite co-workers and enjoyed them for a while, then I stepped outside the pizza place, and took in a long deep breath of freedom.  Yeah, baby!  That feels gooooood!

I started walking back up the hill toward my studio when I had a thought.  A friend of mine had been talking about this local bakery, it gets rave reviews from everyone.  I’ve decorated cakes for years, won some awards here and there.  I’ve been there done that, and I’m pretty good at it.

I walked in, took a look around and liked it.  I saw the cakes they had available and the other things on the menu.  It’s a really cute place, very nicely done.  And I met the Boss Lady, and I immediately liked her.  And I asked her if this was a good time to talk to her about employment.  She said yeah.  We spent about an hour together and I didn’t hear a single red flag in that time.  I really did fall for her completely.  I picked up some icing and quickly made some things that really impressed her.  She actually looked me in the eye and asked me what it would take to get me to work for her.  I was so surprised!  I told her I needed to talk to hubby.  Because dropping by her place was such a whim, I didn’t even have an answer to her question.  I could tell that she liked me, and that she really wanted me to work for her.  I hope she could tell that I liked her, and would like to try working for her.  I wanted to hug her for being so nice to me, for telling me things that made me want to work for her.  It’s been a while since I’ve had a boss be so nice to me. 

As I walked up the hill after that conversation I just fought back the tears.  What did you just do God?  What did you just do?

Ok, back to the cold hard reality of my life…  the Pizza place.  This is our last week in the old location.  We close down Saturday for two weeks to move to the new location and then they’ll open the doors at the new location whenever they can.  Giving two weeks notice is the right thing to do.  But because of the way this situation is with the moving and all, do I still have to do the two weeks notice?  I don’t want to burn any bridges here.

The Pizza Bosses wouldn’t have to be geniuses to know that it’s not working for me there.  I think we have a mutual toleration of each other.  They’ve never been able to hand me much grief because I’m good at the work.  If I feel short on anything, they’d nail my hide to the wall.  I’ve never given them the chance.  I like to please a boss, but these two only see what isn’t happening and commendation for a job well done is so rare it isn’t even funny.  I don’t want to work for the Pizza Bosses anymore.  I just don’t.  And it grieves me.  I wanted to like them, respect them, and work my very best for them.  But that didn’t happen and I am disappointed. 

So is this a sweet miracle for me?  Or another exercise in finding a boss I think will be marvelous, only to find out they are good at first impressions and bad at the rest?  I secretly fear that it’s always me, that I’m the one that hijacks my employment and implodes my opportunities with bosses.  I have certainly been there, done that.  I guess as long as the entrepreneur is alive and well in me, I’ll struggle with being an employee.  But that is my life right now.  I know how much money I need to bring in each month and I don’t want all of that pressure on my new business.  Infant businesses are fragile.  So being employed is my way to protect the incubation and birthing of my own new business.

It will be interesting to see what hubby dear has to say when he gets off work and we can spend some time talking about all this.  I wonder what he’ll say.  I do I really do. 

I hope I can find my old cake decorating portfolio in the storage unit this evening so I can show her more of my work.  I'm very proud of the things I've been able to create with icing in the past, here's hoping it doesn't take me that long to get up to speed in a new place.

I’ve been struggling with the whole waitress gig, but I’m beginning to see that as a very good thing.  My hubby's reply to an earlier post (http://thelifechoice.vox.com/library/post/confessions-of-a-tired-waitress-wearing-ugly-shoes.html) pretty much knocked my socks off.  I’m a blessed woman to have him in my life.  And the next time I have a really forward man in my face, maybe I’ll just start telling him about my husband who is such a source of strength and stability for me.  I have been exceptionally blessed with exceptional men in my life, my father and brother are people I have a deep respect and admiration for.  My husband is an amazing gift.  I’m a blessed woman.

Even though I have allowed the job to shake my focus for a while, being a waitress is only what I do - it is not who I am.  I can come home to the truth of who I am again, God knows I’ve needed these kinds of reminders repeatedly over the years.  I’ve recently come back to the idea that I had initially when I started the job search.  I was struggling in my art studio having come to the place where my beloved brink walls were caving in on me, I was feeling caged and artistically stuck.  So I went down the street and got a job.  Yeah, the waitressing gig.  So my thought was that I’d work for a while, make some money and get out of my comfort zone for a while.  Then I’d come back to my studio, launch my next business and get on with life.  But somewhere in the middle of “work for a while, make some money and get out of my comfort zone for a while” was the “ACK!  I’m out of my comfort zone!  EEEEK!!!”  And, well, that was… uh… well… uncomfortable.  (well, duh!)  So now I’m realizing that this is more of a “mission accomplished” kind of thing and a little less “eeeek, let me off this Titanic.”  So I’m thinking that all that was probably a really good thing and for the last couple of days I’ve been able to go into work with a better attitude.

This may be a little shamelessly self congratulatory of me, but I think I’m getting pretty darn good at this job.  AFTER last Saturday night when all hell broke lose in the place I pretty much know that the waitressing part isn’t going to shake me up.  As long as I don’t have to deal with the loud music I can pretty much face the crowds and hold my own with anyone.  Of course I'd prefer if the clients and co-workers would all behave and keep their hands to themselves.  I don't always get what I want though.  Saturday we had an early rush, then a serious slam somewhere between one and two o’clock.  I turned around and the door opened and the stream of people just didn’t end for a while till the place was full of more people than we had seats for.  Craziness.  So I handled all the tables in my half of the restaurant and the boss lady and the new girl I was training took care of the other side.  Yeah!  I’m gaining a lot of confidence by knowing that I did a good job, and made people happy, and did a lot of that at once.  I came home with a very nice amount of money in tips, and I’m not minding that one bit.

I’m also feeling pretty good that I’m covering things pretty well each morning and getting a lot of work done that has really improved how things work at the restaurant.  I’m the only one taking care of quite a few things, which is great until I’m not there.  But it also gives me a feeling that I’m needed, that I’m doing a good job and that I really need to work at training my replacement into the job performance.  Restaurant work depends on students, and students leave/arrive for school in the Fall and also again in the Spring.  And so Restaurants all over town have to completely rework their staff twice a year as the kids go off to college, and the college students arrive.  It’s just a fact of life here.  I’m getting a sense of accomplishment out of helping these two bosses through this transition – no matter how I feel about them as people on some days.  And this experience has taught me that I can face a big shift in my comfort zone, and after I get my equilibrium back, I can grow comfortable in a completely new setting with new parameters.  If I can give myself the time to regain my equilibrium, and combine that with the willingness to go after big changes, I can gain a completely new comfort zone.  In short, this job has taught me that I can be transformed.

I had some time this afternoon with some business planning.  And that feels good.  The next phase of my life as an artist and entrepreneur is just around the corner.  I can be transformed.  I can become the person that I need to be in order to run the company that is in my dreams, and it’s the biggest dream I’ve ever had, significantly bigger than the last one which was just owning and running a gallery.  And that one was a pretty big one, and God made the impossible possible there, and He can do it again.  And if I’m willing to take on what He has next for me, I can be transformed.  Yet again.

Pastor talked about Rosh Hashanah this morning and the time of fasting that comes with the Jewish New Year, a time of new beginnings, repentance and humbling of self.  (this waitressing gig has been very humbling for me.)  Our congregation will engage in forty days of fasting in a variety of ways.  The goal is to see our desire for God to increase in our lives, as well as our ability to love God as He should be loved.  Individuals can sign up for a day or fast something for the whole forty days.  As Pastor spoke I thought that it seemed fitting to be learning about this kind of celebration and humbling that gives birth to new beginnings, new possibilities; especially now, when I’m in the middle of so much transition personally.  It’s good to go through these phases of laying down the old comfort zone and daring to explore the possibilities that still lie untried and untested in life.  We all need transformation from time to time in our lives.  We all need to know that we can face big change, take some time to recover our equilibrium and grow into a completely new comfort zone.  No, it isn’t easy, it can be downright painful, but it’s the beauty of faith, hope and vision for the future.  It’s the beauty of a God who transforms us, and makes the impossible into the possible.