1 post tagged “contentment”

I woke up feeling tired with an overall sense that something isn’t quite right physically, but I can’t put my finger on it.  I guess it’s just a tired thing, plus it’s all overcast and yucky here – this does not help.  And the bakery called.  No work this week as things stand.  Where are the superbowl orders?  Don’t people eat cake at football time?  Does anyone get together to celebrate Ground Hog Day?  I’m sure the orders will come in and I’ll have some work, but it’s going to be a long winter if I can’t get some money in my pocket again soon.  But that's the bakery business - it is highly cyclical. 

Hubby and I went to a church leadership council meeting last night.  It just underscored to me that our congregation has no local ministry done by church members into our community.  Our missions budget is a whopping 15 percent of budget though, which is pretty exceptional for a church and that is great.  When it comes down to it, the highest percentage of that money is going out of the country and a very small portion of it is being invested right here in the town where the church is located. 

I happen to be fully persuaded that a congregation’s first ministry is to the local region that it calls home.  Everything else is gravy.  Picture an ideal world where all the congregations in a town split up the map so that each church took care of the region between itself and the next church building in all directions.  If each church worked to meet the needs in their little geographic neighborhood that is home to their building – there would be no need for the welfare state.  And quite frankly – that is exactly what I believe the scripture calls the church to be.  But that is most certainly not the American way of doing church.  I’ve led mercy ministries, done work in kindness evangelism and a variety of outreach ministries of the church.  I know that the portion of people who attend a congregation who are actually actively engaged in outreach is pretty small.  And of all the priorities and financial considerations for a congregation, sometimes there isn't much left over.

Another model for congregational outreach is the idea that each member is a minister at their place of business each week.  But unfortunately the same thing is also true in this case.  Very few people view their work as a ministry.  I certainly did when I had the gallery, but now that I’m back in the employment market most of my mission mindedness has flown the coop.  So I’m certainly no example of this mission mindedness that I espouse.  So I wonder where this leaves me.  I think the biggest problem I see with this is the idea that if we only minister in our marketplace ministries then we will miss the portion of society that would never appear in our businesses.  We’ll miss the unemployed and the underemployed.  We’ll get little contact with the poor and our scriptural mandate to help the widow and the fatherless will go unheeded.  I think the church is held to account for not looking after those that society casts off.  There clearly are flaws in the system.

I guess it leaves me in the same place as usual.  I go to a church that is not perfect, that falls short of the ideal I have in my mind.  But we are a group of good and well intentioned people who are trying to live out our faith according to our understanding.  The fact that I’m dissatisfied and see an empty place that needs filling is nothing new in my life.  I’ve always had a certain amount of dissatisfaction and disillusionment about/with church.  At times I’ve worked really hard to see those empty places filled, spoken at length and worked to create an atmosphere where such things could flourish.  And I guess over the years I’ve seen that that work counted, at least for sowing seed in the heart of a congregation if nothing else.

But I come back to one fundamental question.  Where do I spend my energy?  To work for change in the church?  How long does one focus on an immobile, ineffective and engrained system before moving on?  I guess my theory in recent years has been to skip the church completely and set about working for change in my own circle of influence.  In some ways I feel that work in the church is wasted because there are so many hoops to jump and so much legal garbage and so many ways that one voice gets lost in a crowd.  Plus, the segment of society that would darken the church door on a Sunday morning is a small demographic.  On the other hand, if the work within the congregation becomes effective, then the potential to mobilize a significant group of people into active service is pretty amazing.  There are people who have been very successful in doing exactly that and communities are greatly helped and influenced by such things.  I have personal heroes who have been very successful in doing this.  However, if I go back to the marketplace ministry that is so close to my heart and pour my limited energies into that front, then maybe I’ll get a chance to see real change happen in the lives of people that I care about deeply.  I guess in some sense I want both. 

But in a season of my life when I find myself struggling and making excuses for my own lack of engagement, is it reasonable to expect that I’m going to be effecting any sort of change anywhere?  I don’t know.  Perhaps the first step is the dissatisfaction, the feeling that something is really missing.  Perhaps that is just a hallmark of my life – that I’m always discontent and that it is little more than my personal failure to find contentment in a dark world.  I just don’t know.