A Closed Door and a Brave New World

nobody@vox.com(Artzy Carmen) — Sat, 31 May 2008 16:28:15 -0700

It’s over. Yeah, the bakery gig is over for me. I’ll have to drop back by to pick up my paycheck. And that might get interesting since the drama seems to go from the moment one opens the door. I came home sad, feeling really frustrated that it hadn’t come to a more peaceful conclusion. I wanted to leave with everyone happy. But in effect I’m abandoning BL, leaving her to her own devices. And I guess I know that she’ll have to hate me for that for a while. But there was still no ability to work through the issues that brought me to the place where I finally bowed out. I don’t like that.

And the last thing I did there was try to teach her what I do in about twenty minutes. She’s seen me do cakes that took ten hours along with some heroics along the way. And she thinks she can learn that in an afternoon training session. She was concerned about making roses. And she had not the first clue as to how to make one and I worked with her very carefully. Most decorators can not make roses. But when it came to the simple stuff, she couldn’t do a simple border either. But she plans to take over decorating cakes herself. And if it had not been so sad and pathetic, and so desperate, it would have been incredibly funny. I'm sad for her and for the people who pick up cakes next week. And the wedding next weekend.

I don’t know what lies ahead for that bakery. I gave a considerable section of my year to that place and whined about it on my blog at length. But I knew that what I gave her was good. She made cakes that tasted good (most of the time) and I made them beautiful (most of the time.) There were some who were delighted with their cakes, some who cried, some who got goose bumps, even a few squeals of laughter. We helped people celebrate special occasions. And that was good. It didn’t end like I wanted. But it ended. And no matter how ugly some of the parts were, the whole of the thing was beautiful.

But I am still glad that it’s over. I see that now and it surprises me. I feel upon this afternoon as if a door has closed, and another opened. I suppose it’s just a process of making room for the new thing to come forth. And I am excited that it could indeed be possible to give myself to my own business again. To throw off the security of a paycheck and instead reach for a higher goal of living my life to my potential. I’ve been given an amazing talent. It wasn’t something I asked for and I’ve often prayed (as fools do) that it be lifted from me. But I’m ready to quit fighting with my Maker long enough to walk through this new open door, open another business and give it all I’ve got. It’s time. I’m scared, but when haven’t I been scared? It’s time. And I’m excited. And I’m ready. Finally. Ready.

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Wild Ride

nobody@vox.com(Artzy Carmen) — Fri, 30 May 2008 19:53:22 -0700

I have one more day at Bipolar Bakery and then I’m finished. Three out of five employees are leaving in the space of a week. And today I found myself in the middle of a conflict between the 19 year old Elf who made my icings and the 50-something Boss Lady. I could not for the life of me figure out which one was the adult. Un-freakin-believable!

Tomorrow is my last day of this weird wild ride. But why do I know that this is not the end? I can sense that the same way I knew that the wedding cake delivery was not going to go well this evening. So I went prepared. It got dicey but I was able to fix the damage that happened in route. It turned out ok. Not stellar, but ok.

And a girl cried when she saw the cake we did for her this evening. A sixteen year old girl cried over the Power Rangers (not joking) cake I did for her birthday. And I don’t even think I got a photo of that one. Oh well.

I do wonder what tomorrow holds. Another Saturday, another wedding cake.

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Start up Soap Biz

nobody@vox.com(Artzy Carmen) — Tue, 27 May 2008 07:55:11 -0700

I have an appointment with a pair of fabulous men who own the most darling boutique in town. It’s very artsy and quirky and their taste is so like my own that it’s really kind of amazing. I’ll be talking with them about my soap, they already have the samples and I have a definite yes on them selling my product. We just need to work out the details and see how it goes. I think that will be interesting. And they’ve said they’d buy upfront which was music to my ears. I’ve already met “Joey” who told me his name a number of times so if I forget I’m up a creek. Today I expect to meet Mark. And after that I may very well go home and crash on the sofa for the evening. I’m tired.

Oh, and check out the little website I designed Saturday night: www.carmenrosestudio.com There are some kinks I need to work out and I’m also going to set it up to sell stuff as soon as I get a chance. I haven't been able to get the background pix to work properly, I hope I can figure it out soon. Because the site really is prettier with the pen and ink image in the background! I'll sort that out when I get a chance if I can.

It's official. I'm a soaper. And I've got so many ideas I want to try! Can hardly wait! Can hardly wait at all!

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Busy Busy Weekend

nobody@vox.com(Artzy Carmen) — Tue, 27 May 2008 07:03:41 -0700

Saturday evening we spent by the river in Bridgewater with family. My Aunty and Uncle are back in the country from an extended time in Trinidad. They are in the middle of a mission term there of two years helping the Mennonite church there. And it was our only chance at seeing them while they are back on furlough. So we had a delightful time catching up with them and enjoying my family. We’ve got some exceptional Mennonite cooks in the family and it’s always great to see what they’ve brought from the garden or pantry. We took hubby’s home-made chocolate chip oatmeal cookies garnished with the expensive cookies I brought from work. They were a hit. A cousin’s child nearly grabbed the plate right out of my hand before I got to the table. He’s a cutie cute! (And a rather hyper one after all the cookies he got that evening.)

One pair of cousins are starting the adoption process and working on a domestic adoption through a tiny little Christian adoption agency. Believe it or not, their agency has taken all the legal and intrusive paperwork and ratcheted it up about four notches by trying to have the couple PROVE that they are Christians, very conservative ones. They have to sign a paper that there will never be alcohol in their home. We already had to sign that we would not use corporal punishment. I was listening to her talk and just thinking to myself that what she was describing was soooo over the top. But she just kept saying what a ministry it was. Good for them but I’m not religious enough to want to spend an additional month on paperwork to prove my religion on top of every other aspect of “worthiness” I have to already prove in order to buy a child. With domestic adoption the parents have to be chosen by the birth mom. They’ve only dealt with infertility for three and a half years, not like our fifteen, so they don’t mind all that I guess. I, on the other hand, knew that after all I’ve been through in these fifteen years did not want to put my future at the whim of a fertile sixteen year old. It’s not like there aren’t children out there in the earth just waiting for parents. With our international adoption it won’t be about some Mom choosing us out of a book because she liked my eyes and my hubby’s tan and we happened to be wearing her favorite color or some equally ridiculous and arbitrary attribute beyond our control. So anyway, it was an interesting evening and we enjoyed spending time with family!

Monday morning we were off to the Professional building to paint a suite of offices for my landlord. He’s going to give me free art studio rent in June for painting these offices for him. Hubby put down paper, spackled all the holes and took down switch plates. I rolled the walls and then we both started with trim. We got a good bit done but had to quit in time for another party Saturday evening.

By that time I was really tired but we showed up for the 3:00 Memorial Day party with a group of friends and enjoyed some more great food including pulled pork that had been on the grill for hours. And a friend of mine brought a cake and acted very embarrassed about it in front of me which was funny. It did look rather sad, like the icing had been put on while the cake was still hot and had just melted into the cake. We took a watermelon and the cookies that hubby had made garnished with the expensive cookies I bought from work. They put a couple kites in the air in the back yard while it was sprinkling. That was fun. Then it rumbled real loud and they started to bring down the kites and I hid under the overhang of the house enjoying the cooler temperature and the occasional raindrop on my skin. After we got home I curled up on the sofa and didn’t move much until I woke myself up enough to go off to bed.

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Sunset on the Bakery Battle

nobody@vox.com(Artzy Carmen) — Tue, 27 May 2008 06:51:53 -0700

I didn’t get a real weekend. Actually, it was a lovely weekend but there was just so much of it that I woke up really tired this morning. Saturday I delivered a wedding cake and told my boss that I’d work through the end of May and that would be it for me at the bakery. Just between us kids, I’ll likely still go back and help out here and there but I knew I’d never get a raise unless I left completely and then made that a condition of returning. And the girl they hired for me to train came in for two hours a while back and saw my work and tried to decorate a cake with the icing I use. I’ve never seen her since. She got totally intimidated but I thought I had really encouraged her strongly, so either I entirely missed that boat on what she was actually feeling or else the intimidation got the best of her. Either way, it leaves the bakery without a decorator and that’s not cool. But it’s not my bakery, and therefore not my problem. Though it is harder to leave without leaving them someone who can take my place.

Sunday we delivered a wedding cake to Luray Virginia which is an hour and a half from here. I’ve never taken a cake that far. It was a small casual wedding on a lake and we set the wedding cake up in a picnic pavilion. I had barely gotten started when the first bugs came and started to hang out on the cake. A prospect that I do not find appetizing, but that’s just me. It was a beautiful day with an incredible view. And the groom was absolutely adorable. It just seemed like a very casual and comfortable group of really good folks.

Boss Lady and I stopped at an artisan food place for lunch on the way back and the food was incredible. (I paid for my own!) I made the mistake of saying that I didn’t feel like I had worked, that it was more like a day trip. And she indicated that she was glad I felt that way and something about not needing to get paid for the hours I was in the car. She said she’d have the Business Manager Elf talk to me about that. So apparently she’ll sick the “pit bull” on me to see if they can get me to agree to not being paid for working on a Sunday. If they even seriously try that I will be furious. Sadly, not surprised, just furious. I made $50 (before taxes come out) for working Sunday, and spent $57 buying sugar cookies that I had decorated to take to two parties over the weekend. I got really frustrated with myself for not putting quite a few of those cookies back but BL was standing there breathing down my neck as I was trying to make up my mind. So I bought more than I should have instead of taking my time. I was really annoyed with myself for that. So if they try any weirdness, I’ll just remind them that whatever I earned that day I returned to the till by buying overpriced cookies because I was not at home where I could have made a whole batch for waaaay less. So with my lunch of $10 and the sugar cookies, I ended up with a net loss on that day. *grumble*

I’m already at my first job of the day and will head off to the bakery at 10:00 this morning. After work there I will teach a friend whatever she can learn in the way of cake decorating. Sadly, she’s leaving the area for culinary school and can’t take my job. I think she has a natural knack for it though, so I’m looking forward to that.

This is my last week at the bakery. After fighting with BL once a week for the last number of weeks over not having the equipment I need to do the job… the battle is about to be over. I will do my best to end things nicely and leave on an up note. There are three of us leaving at the same time so it’s a good time to go. I know I’ve been saying the end was in sight for a long time… I may have to be a real hard a$$ to accomplish that goal, but I really think this is it. I hope. I'm ready for the next thing.

I'll post photos of this weekend's wedding cakes when I get the chance.

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By Hook or by Crook (or "I shall move on")

nobody@vox.com(Artzy Carmen) — Thu, 22 May 2008 20:05:02 -0700

Last Saturday I talked with the woman who is to become my replacement at the bakery. And she was supposed to come Tuesday morning and start her new job and I had agreed to train her. Only she has not shown up. She spent two hours with us on Saturday and got really intimidated, she worked with the icing and realized how different it was than what she was used to. And she decorated a cake that turned out looking pretty bad. And it’s in the case next to my work. And she saw the Shakespeare cake I did that turned out especially nicely. And I haven’t seen her since. She called and said she hurt her back. I don’t think she’s lying but I do think it very strange that she hasn’t turned up – if even to watch. It throws off the schedule I had in my head of having her trained in the basics by June 1. And the girl who makes icing will be gone after June 1 which means heaven only knows what I’ll have to work with after that. No one else has figured out how to make the icing the way she does and it drives me bonkers. But I guess I’m stuck another week in this job. I feel like it’s a safe and comfortable place to be, and that I use it as an excuse to keep from the next stages of my new business. (Though my evening hours are all about my work.) But I’m not happy about it. I’m not upset either. I guess I’m just trying to be patient and hope that someday soon there will be another decorator taking over the day to day stuff. That will leave me with the most interesting and challenging cakes and then only if I can fit them into my schedule. And that will leave me with no alternative but to move on.

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Peanut Butter and Jelly Wedding Cake

nobody@vox.com(Artzy Carmen) — Wed, 21 May 2008 06:51:02 -0700

Peanut butter and jelly

This cake went by so quickly that I hardly remember that I made it. The highlight is the fondant bow on the top. I made the loops early in the week and they had powdered sugar dots on them. Boss Lady fretted all week that the powered sugar wouldn't come off and I just told her it would be fine and not to worry about it. (Like telling Bush to complete an intelligent sentence with proper pronunciation.) In retrospect I should have gone over and cleaned one loop off so that she could see that it was going to be fine and quit worrying about it but I didn’t. Anyway, the powdered sugar came off fine and the cake came together nicely. The colors were gold and burgundy but I called it peanut butter and jelly. The consensus around the bakery was that those colors weren’t anything special. But the cake turned out fine. With this cake and the one last weekend, I am really tired of doing swirls.

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Shakespeare

nobody@vox.com(Artzy Carmen) — Wed, 21 May 2008 06:11:59 -0700

Mary Baldwin graduates a group from their Master's Degree in Shakespeare program - both an MLitt and a MFA. And each year the bakery does a cake for the celebration. And they always want the names of the graduates on the cake. When the client came in she just kept telling me what they did last year and on and on over how great that cake had been. But when I asked her what she wanted this year she wouldn't answer, just told me to do what I wanted. Her only suggestion was to include the names and a fleur de lis. So this was my solution to the problem.

Shakespeare cake

I am supposed to train a new woman to take over parts of my Cake Decorating job. She’s from Martin’s – a grocery store chain. So she’s used to doing the big bloppy sloppy cakes that cost a fraction of what ours do. I hope it works out but I have my reservations. Anyway, I had started this cake and when she saw it you could see how intimidated she got – right off the bat. I really felt for her! Anyway, I walked her through the stages that I went through to make the face and that seemed to help her calm down a little bit. I’ve got to figure out a way to make it work with her because I want out of the day to day decorating there and she’s the only option that I know of at the moment.

I am really happy with how this cake turned out. And when the client saw it she was thrilled. She kept saying it just gave her chills. And I looked at her arms and she actually had goose bumps all over. Now that is a nice compliment if I ever had one. A totally unique compliment I must say!

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Random wondering

nobody@vox.com(Artzy Carmen) — Tue, 20 May 2008 10:32:42 -0700

I’ve been wondering about a number of things lately. Like the kind of things I’d not admit to just anyone. Just little lines of thought that tease the grey matter.

Like for instance:

The final two “American Idol” contestants are both named “David.” And David in the Bible is a psalmist. So… did their parents give them prophetic names that held some destiny between the D and the d? Or did God chose a coupla David’s to make some kind of point? Or maybe God stays out of this kind of thing? I heard someone say: “It says right there in the title that it is idolatry but you can’t pick up the paper without seeing an article about it!” (disclaimer here – just a quote from a religious woman who has never even seen the show – and how easy it is to judge something you know nothing of!) Clearly being a finalist on a show like that can change a person’s life. It will be interesting to see where it all takes them. But does it really mean something that both men are named “David?” I doubt it, but it would be interesting if it did.

I wonder if God gave oil (generally speaking) to Arab Muslims because He cared about providing for them as well as everyone else. I’m not for a moment suggesting that God doesn’t love everybody, I’m suggesting that He loves people so much that he provides for their needs (whether or not we return the favor.) And I wonder how things would be different if Christians controlled the major oil reserves in the earth. Somehow I can’t see that going well. Christianity, power and wealth mix like oil, water and bumble bees.

There were reporters in China leading up to the Olympics. Reporters from around the world showed up just in time to report (and in some cases be apart of) the earthquake. I wonder if God did that on purpose so that their stories could get out after the quake. I’ve heard some of the stories on NPR and just worked with the tears running down my face from the heart break of it all. Parents were expected to only have one child. And it appears that some entire schools were lost resulting in the loss of a entire generation. That sort of thing just makes my heart hurt. I assumed that earthquakes are natural processes that occur in the earth and are not divinely caused as retribution for evil – any more than a beautiful sunny day is a reward for being nice yesterday. Stuff happens. And perhaps God just made it possible that reporters would be there to share the grief with the world so that it would not be so heavy in one place. I don’t know.

These are the kinds of things I wonder about sometimes. That and if the Bush family fortune is increased every time the price of oil goes up. Oh, and does McCain even have a chance now that he’s turned into everything he once found repugnant and can’t raise money due to the laws he helped to author on campaign finance reform? Hmmm…

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I haven't seen them in a while

nobody@vox.com(Artzy Carmen) — Mon, 19 May 2008 21:06:04 -0700

And I just turned on the late show and looked at David Letterman and Paul Schaffer. Is it just me or are those two white guys just getting old?! Mercy!

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