Halloween. Yeah! And I’m not one bit scared. I’ve been making delightfully spooky treats at work, so drop on by and buy and say “Bye” on the way out. Ok, sorry about that. I decorated cakes professionally years back and when the dreaded evil holiday came – I was too religious and refused to do any of this stuff. This year I’m kinda “nyiet” with religion and deciding to allow my creativity to go there this time. I do remember hearing a preacher expound on the evils of the holiday. Scared me worse than any horror story. He had done all sort of research and apparently drug up every possible paranoid and horrible tidbit of historical fiction and presented it as fact. At the time I was horrified and antsy about the whole thing. Now I’m like “Oh please!” Call it me losing my mother’s religion, backsliding or whatever you want. I’m enjoying myself. Even the spiders. I’m making the best spiders this year! Yeah, the case at work is just crawling with the best lil spideys you ever saw. (uh, the only good spider is the kind that I can eat!) And I made a bunch of cupcakes yesterday and I wanted to do a bunch of yellow ones with black cats on them yet, but boss lady put the cabosh on that because we have an order later in the week for cupcakes and she didn’t want to bake more. Dang it. Oh well. Here are some of my freaky holiday confections this year. Bon appetite!
Our dog (allegedly) took a bite out of Crime – only “Crime” is a little male Pomeranian that lived next door. I know I know, I sound like I’m making fun – but I’m really not. I never in a million years…
I have two border collies, a mother and daughter. The mother is full blooded and her daughter is a border collie/mystery mutt mix. They are two pretty intense dogs, but I never thought of them as dangerous – except maybe if someone was harming me.
The neighbor first said that his dog was on a lead tied to something in his yard, but then later said that he tied it up and began to walk inside and then heard barking and realized that his dog was loose. He says that my dog grabbed theirs and pulled it under my fence, then started attacking it. The neighbor says he called his dog and it came toward him and my dogs came after it and nipped it further. Then he reached over my fence and picked it up and then they took it to an emergency vet. Apparently the vet said it could go either way but they decided to have the animal put to sleep.
The police were by yesterday and asked questions, well, not really. He didn’t actually ask many questions – not his territory. Animal control was through today to investigate. I was pretty scared that they could take away my dog, but they said that wasn’t even a possibility. Whew! They laid out the worse case scenario IF we were charged with anything, and IF we were found guilty. The one thing on the list I remember was the word muzzle. On a Border Collie? Horror!
My neighbor has a pit bull chained in the back yard and we call her “Sandy Pit” because she is a sandy colored Pit Bull who lives on a chain in an indentation she has created for herself by running in circles for years and years. When it’s dry outside she creates dust clouds from running in circles and barking. It’s really horrible but we’ve gotten used to her voice and it doesn’t keep me awake at night anymore. We try to keep an eye on her and if she gets too skinny we’ll call animal control on them again. We’ve already called once when it looked like she had some sort of itch that was driving her crazy. The other dog chained in their back yard is a Rotweiller that I call “Dry Rot.” He’s big and he is chained further away and where we can only see him part of the time. He’s not very active and just sits around unless something is going on then he barks this really big bark. Poor things, we never see anyone being nice to them. The animal control folks told me today that they are going to court this week over their treatment of these two animals. So sad, Sandy Pit seems like a nice lil girl, for a pit bull. When we are outside playing with our two BC’s it just is so hard on the chained Pit, she watches and just barks her head off and sounds so distressed. It’s so wretched. Sometimes there are two little chained Pomeranians in their front yard. They are loud and yippy little things and basically raise a real fuss whenever they are around. And I’ve called them “tasty morsels” as a joke. And now the neighbors are saying that one of my girls tried to munch on one.
So here I am, with two Border Collies who I’m crazy about. They are well cared for and to smart for their own good. The neighbor has a chained pit and a chained rot, and yet they are saying that it’s my animal that caused harm. I’m completely stunned. For all the scenarios where our animals met and someone got hurt – I never imagined it going this way.
So there are a few unanswered questions in my mind after talking with animal control today. Somewhere in the back of my mind is the question about who really did the damage? I’m thinking the pit bull is the most likely choice, but what possible reason would they have to lie about this? The pit and rot are likely going to be taken away anyhow. They know we called animal control on them, but are they the kind of people who would lie about something like this? What would it gain them? Animal control said that us paying for part of their pet bill is not part of this investigation – that is a civil issue. So if they’re just trying to get help with the vet bill, it wouldn’t work. So is my dog really to blame? There is only one witness and he was walking back inside the house when it happened.
Secondly, since we now know that the Pomeranian wasn’t chained after all, did it run under the fence to come play with my girls? Or did it just get too close and one of mine got a hold of it? If it came into my yard and my girls defended their territory – well, that’s pretty normal dog behavior. They say it was a bloody mess and really messed up bad. I didn’t see it so I’ll have to take their word for it. But it’s not exactly like a Border Collie to make a big mess out of a small animal. They aren’t a hunting breed, they are a herding breed.
Misde apparently did kill a rabbit last night. That was pretty horrible, especially because of the timing. The rabbit was neatly and quickly shaken, which broke its little neck and it was lights out for bunny fuzz. No blood, no ripping, no munching, and after it quit running Misde didn’t care about it any more. So does this prove the case or hinder the case? If Misde is going to kill some small rodent style animal – it’s going to be a clean bloodless event. Provided she can catch the thing, which in the rabbit’s case is pretty amazing to begin with. I doubt the Pom could go all that fast, it’s not exactly a speedy breed.
I guess I sound like I believe my dog can do no wrong. Clearly, she can kill other animals. Uh… yuck! But would it be like to her to chomp up a small dog? I don’t want to believe it. And quite honestly, I don’t think the case has been made to my satisfaction. I am however, sad for their loss and horrified that someone’s beloved pet is no longer among the living. And if my dog is really to blame for that event, then I’m horrified!
Oh my word. I am upset and shocked. A little while ago I heard someone outside yelling at our house. I looked out the window and there were two people beyond our fence yelling. What the heck? So I went outside to see what was going on. They wanted to talk to us but didn’t want to come inside our fence because of our dogs. So they stood at our fence and yelled till we came to the door. Apparently while we were away, the neighbor’s little dog got under our fence and one of my dogs got a hold of her and messed her up. They actually are saying that my dog got a hold of their dog and dragged it under the chain link fence. How’s that work? They yelled and got their dog back on their side of the fence, and took it to the vet and after hearing what the recovery would be like - decided to have it put to sleep. How horrible. My dog wounded someone else’s pet? I’m trying to wrap my head around this idea. My dog. My docile sweet border collie. I am stunned.
We’ve called animal control on the neighbors once because it looked like their chained up pit bull was sick and untreated. It turned out that she was fine. Their chained up rotweiller doesn’t make much noise but sometimes the pit bull will bark all night long. Those two dogs don’t get any human attention and it’s hard to tell if they are fed regularly or not. I don’t know. And they had two little munchkin dogs that are only there part of the time, and they chain them in the front yard. We think chaining a dog is a horror, but we don't want an unchained pit bull, or rotweiller next door either. Their little dogs have never been chained near our fence so I don’t know what happened this time that the little dog was near enough that it could actually get that kind of reaction from our dogs.
We have two border collies, and Hope can be very dominant and has been aggressive toward me and can act very protective. And the second one – Misde - is a very docile laid back border collie mix dog who is not an aggressive dog. And they say Misde came after their little yip yip dog. I’m floored. Misde? Are you kidding me? He repeatedly said which dog it was, no mistake. But Misde? For real?
They talked about how aggressive our dogs are, that you can't walk by our fence without them barking like crazy. Well, if you walk down any street in our neighborhood, there will be plenty of noise from dogs doing what dogs do - barking!
This brings up lots of questions for me. If their little dog was chained where they usually chain it, how did it get to my fence, then how did it get under my fence? If the neighbors were close by when this happened, what was really happening that got my dog all worked up? She doesn’t usually pay attention to those neighbors except when those horrible little yip yip dogs are barking their heads off at her, and even then – not for long. I guess I believe them when they say my dog did damage, because my dog is bigger and isn’t used to little dogs. The way my border collies play with each other is pretty rough, if they did that with a small dog it would be toast. I just can’t imagine how my dog got a hold of their dog through a chain link fence, or how she was supposed to have drug the other dog under that fence. I just don’t get how that could have happened. Especially if that dog was chained as they said it was. And if the neighbors were right there watching this, then why didn’t they move their little dog away from the fence? What will the law require of us? Can they take away my dog for doing this in her own yard? What are we going to get into with our neighbors? We have to live next to these people. We have to trust that when we leave for work, that our dogs will not be harmed by the neighbors.
I’m confused, shocked, stunned and concerned about what’s coming next when animal control comes out Monday. What’s going to happen? What is legally possible when their dog gets messed up on my side of the fence? Am I going to have to pay their vet bills? I don’t know, but I am concerned. And I’m looking at my sweet docile little border collie wondering how on earth this dog could be the monster they describe. Oh Horror!
I’d be a horrible angry mess if another dog wounded my dog and I had to put her to sleep. I’d want blood, justice, I’d be livid, I’d be screaming bloody murder. So I am horrified that the “monster” in this case is apparently my dog. How can that be?!?! She is not an aggressive dog. I am floored, horrified, incredulous, shocked and... uh, well… horrified! We had "Beware of Dog" posted on our fence, only when I looked for it this afternoon - it was missing. URGH!
A friend in my neighborhood got me thinking about spiders. Yick! I don’t like spiders. No sir, not one bit. But I’m no longer phobic about them. I got treatment. Emersion therapy. Of sorts.
I remember as a child there were spiders who visited the shower in our home. I guess they wanted a nice drink of child’s blood, or maybe just some water. I was terrified of them though and would stand as far on the other side of the shower as possible, splash water at them until they crawled back into the ceiling out of sight. I was always watchful for them and tried my best to hurry out of there. They were terrifying and I was sure it was a short leap to my naked wet body.
I remember cleaning house for this woman and a little tiny black furry spider surprised me and I jumped and dropped a glass shelf. Oh, embarrassing to do that in front of the lady who owns the glass shelf. It didn’t break though. Good thing. She could be unpleasant.
By the time I was an adult I had a pretty full tilt phobia thing going. Until I moved into a house that had belonged to them first. Yeah. I was on their turf. Wolf Spiders. Big things, brown and really quite fast movin. Monsters really.
I remember the first night I met one. It came out to say hi while we were watching TV. It was BIG. I freaked and asked the man of the house to kill it. He did some little half hearted thing and of course it scurried under the sofa unharmed. There would be no peace in that house into one of us was dead, and I had the will to live. I pretty much had to move the sofa one handed because the other hand held a ready weapon. Husband by this point had concluded that his wife had lost her marbles and had gone far far away. I would not sleep while the monster lived. I finally found it, and managed to kill it. That was just the first time.
For a while it went like that, hubby would go off to bed and I’d be minding my own business. One wolf spider would come out to visit. Most of the time they’d come out on the floor. I developed a problem with resting my feet on the floor while watching TV. Then sometimes they’d be on the end table when I reached for my drink. Eeek! Sometimes I’d kill one in the evening and another would show up. Sometimes they were on the back of the sofa I always sat on. They could turn up anywhere. I developed the ability to keep watch for the things, which sadly meant that I never really relaxed. Generally the discovery of the little darling was then followed by some vigorous broom action that sounded like “thud thud thud” …and under my breath: “die sucker die” “I AM going to kill you” “thud thud thud.” More muttered resolutions: “I WILL win!” “thud thud thud.” At that point hubby would be awake and call down from the loft “What ARE you DOING?!” (What was I doing the last time I was making all this racket?!) And I’d yell up something about killing ANOTHER dangerous INTRUDER while he peacefully slept the night away.
And when I discovered that they could somehow get UPSTAIRS also – oh, that was a sad sad day. Because I had to sleep upstairs. Apparently wolf spiders CAN take the stairs. Or maybe there was a wolf spider elevator that was hidden in that house SOMEWHERE. And apparently only the really BIG ones could make it upstairs. ARGH! I became afraid that spiders would drop on me in the night. The bedroom ceiling was open steel rafters like you’d see in Lowe’s. And I had hung some fabric up over the bed to soften the room a little with all the glass, concrete and the fuchsia walls. (Yeah, what could possibly need softening?! There was a leak in the ceiling over that bed, so things did drop on us, but mostly it was just water. I would go to bed, look at the fabric and see if there were any spiders, then I’d turn off the light to try and sleep. I killed one really big one at the threshold of the door to the balcony off the Master Bedroom. There are probably still spider guts in that threshold. Yep, squashed him right into the groves till even the vacuum cleaner couldn’t get his sorry carcass out. Ummm, satisfying.
We bought spider spray and sprayed everything. We sprayed the spiders themselves, and they thought it was funny. Well, they eventually died after being sprayed, but not fast enough for me.
It reached gynormous proportions. I dreaded coming home in the evenings, I hated that I had to be so vigilant because I was SO afraid of those horrible little creatures. I could not relax in my house.
That was just the wolf spiders. There actually ARE WORSE spiders than puny little wolf spiders. Oh yeah. They are tunneling spiders, they are bigger! They have bigger bodies and bigger legs, and they are black and hairy all over. They are just like tarantulas, only a teensy tiny bit smaller. But not by much. Still really quite big. Terrifying.
There is a little nursery rhyme. Something about Miss Muffet sitting on a tuffet. Along came a spider and sat down beside her… That happened to me. I was watching tv, minding my own business. I heard something and looked to my right. And there on the other side of the loveseat where I was sitting – was one of these big spiders. Right there on the cushion next to me. I came really close to freaking completely over that one. I had no idea what those things were capable of, how fast it could move or anything. Or how quickly I’d die if it bit me. (kidding) I got all tense and kind of crept out of my seat, no sudden movements and all, ready to dive if I had to. When I was finally at what I considered a safe distance, then came the question of how to kill it. Yeah, hubby was upstairs asleep, of course. I wasn’t going to kill it and leave a spider guts stain on my loveseat. So I used the broom and swept the big fat juicy thing off of the loveseat, and then I swept it off of my nice rug… Then it was full tilt “Die sucker die!” Oh, what a rush! Not really a good rush, but a rush. I kept the body of that one for a while in a jar. In the light of morning those critters always look half their actual size.
Those tunnel spiders lived outside along the foundation of the house, their webs were pretty obvious against the stone and concrete. One afternoon I was walking along the back deck toward the back door. Suddenly I saw one of those big spiders on the deck, far too close. I reacted and jumped back. Ok, this may test the limits of what you’re willing to believe, but that thing lunged toward me. I started running toward the door, trying to get away from that thing. And it was fast. And that horrid spider was actually chasing me. I was completely incredulous and disbelieving my own eyes! I thought if I can only get inside and shut that door… I ran, it chased, I got inside and just as I slammed the door that horrible thing slipped right over the threshold and right into the house – the door going right over it’s head. It was inside my house! Yeah! Could I make this up?! Seriously! Thankfully, it stopped there and didn’t go any farther. I don’t know if the slamming door surprised it or what, but I had escaped the horrors of being eaten alive by a spider the size of Texas. Yeah, I killed that one with a broom also if I remember right. The spider that chased me. Oy! If it had not happened to me I would have been very skeptical! Hubby appeared on the scene after the drama was all over, wanting to know why I’d run screaming into the house. Yeah, a little strange, even for me.
One night hubby woke up in the middle of the night with a gripping terror. He just lurched bolt upright in bed and made some sort of noise that had me awake instantly. The whole bed shook from his sudden movement, not to mention the yell. I was really shaken by that. And I had had it. I was pretty darn mad, sick to death of being afraid in my own home. That was the last straw! We’d been told that the previous owner was a witch and I had pretty much filed that information away in my head along with all the other insane stories we heard about her. But we were being tormented in that house – me with spiders and now my hubby with the night terror. I began to pray like my life depended on it. Something rose up on the inside of me and I said I would not be afraid anymore, that all the spiders in the world or spiritual forces were not going to chase me out of this incredible house. We prayed though it, hubby calmed down and we were able to get back to sleep. I’ll never forget that night.
I went on a spider hunt one day. After we had sprayed and sprayed to no avail. And I killed 27 wolf spiders that one day. I walked around the house inside killing them. The main floor, the basement, the loft. I walked around the outside killing them. I simply walked around the property killing wolf spiders. They weren’t hard to find. 27 of them. In one day. And no, I didn’t get them all because there were more to kill the next day. But I was no longer afraid. I don’t like spiders, but now I’ll even kill a small one in my bare hand. I used to freak and require that someone kill them for me. But I’ve had some serious arachnid therapy thanks to the house the witch built. Winter came and the spiders went away. And in the spring we started in with weird crunchy catipillars – or whatever they were. But that’s a story for another day.
Well, I’m either an complete idiot or a courageous writer, or both. Yes fair Voxers, I’m a “complegeous idi-iter.”
I’ve signed up for National Novel Writing Month this November. So starting November 1st, I’ll be trying to spend 50,000 words in the pursuit of writing a novel. And I expect that to be a challenge in itself. I’ll very likely be writing in the night hours after hubby has gone to bed. It seems like such a wise idea to keep my life exactly as it is, watching all my favorite tv shows and sacrificing that one thing I really need more of anyway – SLEEP.
I’ve figured out than an hour can yield around 1,500 words if I type full tilt the whole time. So if I write an hour or two every week night for November, I should have more than enough words to be considered a “winner” at NaNoWriMo.org. It just requires writing over 50,000 words to be considered a winner. Apparently there is no rule that those 50,000 actually make sense – because this is a first draft. Everyone knows that first drafts SUCK! So I think I can write 50,000 words of something horrid, if that’s all that’s required to “win.”
Here’s the catch. I’m writing about my own journey with infertility. Uh, yeah. Well, I’ll be using my own story as the basis for a work of fiction that has deep deep roots in reality. (&#%@!!) Ok, so I’ll be blurring the lines between fact and fiction, ALMOST like a political memoir. LOL!
And hubby was pretty amazed that I was considering writing about THAT. Huh! And about how it would be putting our private life on very public display. Uh, I assured him that even if I wrote the thing, that didn’t mean it would EVER see the light of day!
I’m a little scared. I’ve gotten along quite nicely through these many years with tasty touch of denial. What is life going to be like in November when I spend hours upon hours of my waking time dealing with this one painful reality of my life in a very concentrated manor? Am I going to turn into She-who-gushes-emotional-pain? Uh, PleaseNo! Worse yet: “She-who-cries-in-public-for-no-apparent-reason.” Eeek! Nooooooo!
The thing is, over the 17 years of our married life, 12 or so of those years have included the infertility drama. And I learned early on that people say the stupidest things. Unintentionally hurtful things, stupid things, why-the-heck-don’t-you-just-kill-me-now things. So I don’t talk about our struggle with this issue, I don’t open myself up for people to talk to me about it. I don’t need more material for the list of stupid things said, one more for the “forgive these idiots” file. It’s a coping mechanism. If I keep this thing on the back burner, then maybe just maybe I can pretend that my life doesn’t COMPLETELY SUCK. I never wanted anyone to look at me, wonder why I’m in such a crappy mood and then shake their heads and with mournful faces and say, “Poor lil thing, she and her husband can’t have children, isn’t that saaaad?” Followed by a list of things they wonder if I've tried. I’ve already walked into the room and caught people in the middle of a conversation about me and this subject – and watched things go completely silent at my appearance – Uh – HORROR! No, it wasn’t a TV sitcom – it was MY LIFE! (Another Delicious Explicative!) No thank you, do not pity me, it’s the lowest form of human emotion. I never want it aimed at me. No pity, no thank you.
The nanowrimo.org website suggests that you tell everyone you are writing a novel, that way on week two when you’re really sick of it and give up – you’ll be shaming yourself in front of your entire peer group. Therefore, telling everyone is a way of pressuring yourself to continue the writing project out of fear of disappointing people you’d like to try to impress now and then. So, since I’ve been so private about our struggle with infertility, and I don’t want to talk about it with average Joe and Jill… yet I do want to tell people that I’m participating in this NaNoWriMo thing… for that all important shame factor… What’ll I do? I’ve already been asked what I plan on writing, and I lied and said I hadn’t decided yet. Hmmm… pants on fire… So I need a creative cover story.
So, I’m writing a novel about something deeply personal, which I expect to keep safely hidden in a computer file somewhere for posterity. And I’m going to tell people I’m participating in NaNoWriMo.org… and so what will my cover story be? Want to help me? I need to come up with a tasty bit of fiction to answer the inevitable question that people will ask… what are you writing about?
- Uh, the great American novel about a woman, a man in love and their 2.5 uh… well… their 2.5 uh… dogs. Yeah. Plot? What’s that?
- Uh, it’s a “period” (sorry) fake accent novel about the “Baroness” (really sorry) who falls in love and marries a humble devout Latin lover and their life together is met by a series of tragic misadventures.
- It’s a novel about a game show where the two main characters are set side by side and tested on which one is a better woman. One is a decent looking law abiding infertile woman who is nearing forty, and the other is a seventeen year old drug dealer with two screaming neglected brats. All the questions have to do with pregnancy, child birth and fetal alcohol syndrome. The loser of the game show is fed to the lions in an effort to teach women to be better uh, well… women. Working title: “Just Eat Me Now” or maybe "Are you smarter than a welfare mom?"
- A murder mystery involving a beautiful ritzy baby shower where everyone brought their little wriggly screamers, laughed and talking in silly voices, ate beautiful baby colored confections, followed by a strange and tragic hanging of one of the guests who came, played nice and gave a pretty gift then went home to her quiet house and minded her own business – or did she? What was her tragic secret? And did it lead to her death? Who dealt the tragic blow? Will there be justice in the end?
- A tragic novel where one man and one woman together engage in a wrestling match with God! Guess who wins? There’s some name calling, some yelling and some tears. Altogether a lovely feel-good novel for reading aloud to the kiddys.
- Uh, something about a wardrobe doorway to another world where life is fair and people who shouldn’t be parents aren’t and… *loud screeching noise* “Wake up Jane Doe! It’s time for your meds. If you bite me again I’ll put you back in the nice upholstered room and throw away the key, doesn’t that sound lovely? Ok, open wide. Drink this. swallow. Swallow! SWALLOW!” *thud!* “Ok, let me see… open wide. Good girl, good girl. Back to your sad little dream world darling, nitey nite. I’ll see you in eight hours.”
I love Kitchen Nightmare on FOX on Wednesday nights. I watch it every time I can. I love the screaming and the drama. I love seeing the horrors that take place in these kitchens, the grime, the bugs and the rotten and expiring food. It is enough to convince me NEVER to eat out ANYWHERE. And the personalities, these owners and managers are amazing! Huge personality, huge ego. Mercy me!
Gordon Ramsey comes on the scene like the night in shining armor. He eats the food and comments on it – and it’s always the most articulate insults ever. I mean he’s really good at cutting them to shreds. “He’s a little harsh” one waitress said tonight “A little abusive over the food.” Mercy me, that’s putting it mildly. And yeah, he knows how to express himself with lavish explicatives. I would hate dealing with him.
But there’s one little catch. He’s as good as it gets. He knows his stuff and he can come in and speak the truth, and they’ll take it from him because they know he knows his stuff. And they don’t like hearing it. They get offended and angry, hurt and humiliated. And he says what everyone else is thinking and wouldn’t dare say. And he keeps hitting them with the truth over and over again. He’s one challenge after another, pounding away at them like a hammer. I guess it’s pretty much boot camp for restaurants. He pretty much just verbally slaughters them and then goads them into new patterns, continually offering challenges. And then he stands back to see if they’ll follow through with what he told them. And if they don’t, then he’s in their faces about it, challenging, and challenging again. %(&*@ amazing!
This show amazes me week after week. This guy is part tornado, part monster, part psychotherapist. It’s amazing. And what he’s able to pull off in these situations is really pretty amazing. People hate him, are terrified of him, and in the end, they are incredibly grateful to him with a strong dose of hero worship thrown in for good measure.
Yeah,
I love this show.
Now after that intense hour, I’m got to calm down enough to get some sleep.
So I guess I’ll watch Bill Cosby rant and rave about the plight of young African American Males on Oprah’s show.
Uh… Yeah.
I’m trying to detox my life. I’m thinking about the things that have become the energy drains. I want to do them less. And what about those things that leave me feeling joyful and energized? I need to do those more. Mainly, I just need to be paying attention. Instead of reaching for pain killers, I need to understand why I’m in pain. I think the answer is in my day to day life.
I do projection at church some Sundays. And the guy who leads the AV team is famous for dropping big project bombs in your lap fifteen minutes before the service starts. I let it make me crazy and instead of church being good, I’m sitting there stewing about what just happened and how frustrated I am that his project led to my poor preparation – which led to a poor presentation. I’m not going to continue to have my projection Sundays be stressful and frustrating mornings. I guess I’ll see what happens this Sunday and then take it from there.
I sing on the worship team at church. Worship leader is an enigma from Pluto or somewhere. He benched me for a couple of months this summer and afterwards talked to me about having asked for the time off. Are you kidding me? And the other vocalists are capable of some pretty snarky stuff. I’m good at it and enjoy it when I’m on stage doing my thing. But that’s not all there is to it, and the rest has become a real energy drain for me.
I’ve already backed out of choir. That one was hard, mainly because I love everything about choir except for the timing of music practice. We had lunch together after church (loved that, ADORE those people) followed by practice until around 2:30. But I’m toast on Sunday afternoons. I sit down in practice and the energy just seems to drain right out of me.
I wonder what else I’m doing that drains my energy. I think I need to be paying attention to those things and take steps to reduce them.
I’m walking the three blocks from my studio to and from work each Tuesday – Friday. This is excellent exercise and I’m sure it is a help to my body.
I’m also trying to eat really healthy food. I bought a yogurt machine and I’ve been eating yogurt, granola and fresh fruit each morning for a while now. I’m wondering if I don’t need more protein though, so when it starts getting colder I’ll probably go back to eating eggs.
I’m trying to take care of myself and do the things my body needs so that I can detox my lifestyle. In order to do that I need to be paying attention to what is working and what isn’t. When I’m medicating physical pain, I’m not really getting to the cause of the pain. When I’m feeling ill used by my hormones, it’s something I need to pay attention to. It’s not the easiest thing when you want to please and help people, and do what needs to be done. But there has to be a way to help them and help me also.
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