Telephonophobia Rant

I hate phones.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  I hate them.  I use them, but usually with an annoyance that is palpable.  I ran across “telephonophobia” which looks like a word I could make up – but I didn’t.  Fear of phones.  Phone phobia.  I read some stuff on the internet and found it very interesting indeed. I even found a person here on Vox who has that.  It is very interesting!

What brings this up?  I have a number of bills that come directly from my debit card each month automatically.  However, my credit card was involved in a security breach and the bank issued me a new one – like it or not - and killed the old one.  So I’m left to sort through all the things that are automatically charged on my debit card each month.  So one company waiting to make the next charge on my account sends me a letter telling me to call them to straighten things out.  A letter?  Who uses a PAPER letter with a STAMP in this day and age?!  They could have emailed and it would have been resolved by now!  So I go to their website, enter the new card information and fully explain the situation via email to customer service.  I just got an email saying “please understand” “you have to call us.”  Do I?  What happened to the customer being right?!  I don’t know how I’ll resolve this, I imagine I’ll just call them.  There are people out there who are TERRIFIED of phones – a real honest to goodness sickness.  Is this company going to tell them “please understand” “You MUST call us!”  They DO want their money – correct?  I’m offering it… just not over the phone.

I don’t like phones.  I don’t know if I’m exactly afraid of them… that seems like a stretch.  I just know I have really developed a strong dislike for them.

And I am not kidding… I just looked up telephonophobia and there is a company selling a “proven” method of curing the fear of phones.  Yep!  Right there in big letters is their 1-800 number!  That’s how you’ll contact them for this big cure!  Just pick up the phone and call… which is exactly what every telophonophobia person is going to do RIGHT AWAY!  I thought it was just kind of a spoof site, a joke or something.  But no, it seemed serious.  Call for the cure of the fear of phones.  Only a call away.  Silly humans.

I’m a visual person.  If I’m going to have a conversation with you I want to either be able to look at you or look at your words.  If it’s visual I get it.  If it’s purely auditory… I can so easily be a million miles away.  People speaking at the front of a room of people – well – that just doesn’t really work as an effective form of communication with me.  Yet at the same time I love an audio book or a radio show.  But that’s because I don’t have to sit and pretend to be listening – I can listen AND work.  I hate the forced inactivity of a lecture – taking notes helps but generally my notes are generally more of a commentary on the material or an expression of mental boredom.  (Why does “church” have to mean sermons and lectures – the most single most ineffective form of communication in today’s multi-media world?)

Secondly, I’m a highly focused person.  It’s called “super-focus” and I learned about it through some of my husband’s Special Education material.  Yes, it’s considered “Special Education” if you hyper-focus and don’t want to jump from subject to subject like the American school system forces students to do.  It’s actually on the “gifted” end of the spectrum but anything outside of the narrow standard mode of education in this country is considered “Special Ed” on the top side or on the underside.  Is that messed up or what?!  I can focus on one thing for days on end, but when I put it down – it may be months before I can come back to it again – sometimes years.  I prefer quiet and I work best alone.  It is a lot to ask anyone else to focus the way I do.

How does super-focus relate to the telephone?  Sounded like a rabbit trail, I know.  But the thing is – a phone call is an interruption.  I really hate external interruptions.  I interrupt myself by doing five different things at once anyway.  Now I have this demanding device that requires my attention not in a minute when I’m coming up for air – but right this instant before it stops ringing.  It is annoying, distracting and frustrating.  And I’ll check out and see who is calling before I answer… but first of all is to silence that INFERNAL ringing!  What a horrible racket!  And it has to be that loud or I won’t hear it across the studio or around the house.  (oops, I left the ringer off) (ALLLLL weekend!)

And that’s part of it.  I don’t like the noise.  I don’t like how cell phones cut in and out.  It can be really hard to hear and you never know when you pick up the thing if you will have to shout to be heard or what.  I don't like the auditory intrusion into my quiet world. 

And generally I think the use of cell phones in public is just plain rude.  I answered a call in Walmart today because I had to.  But every time the person on the other end of a call like that asks a question - I think about the information in my reply.  Do I want a complete stranger to know this about me?  The person calling me doesn’t know I don’t want the whole bottled water isle to know certain information about me and I don’t want to be saying “I can’t talk right now, there is a strange looking guy in a green shirt beside me and I don’t want him to know the answer to that question...  Am I going to be one of those rude shoppers chatting away? (Sometimes with a headset so you can’t even tell if they are on the phone.)  Oh, I hate that!

And some people just need to vent.  Ok, crisis?  Call me.  I’ll try to talk you down off the ledge, that IS important to me.  And I’ve been there for friends going through some really tough stuff.  And I just listened to them go on and on around the same mountain four times…  it was about the listening not the content and I understood that.  I hated it, but I understood it and was willing to do it.  Because they are important to me.  However, nobody gets to make a pattern of that with me.  Some people use the telephone like I use my blog – to vent.  Great.  But I can’t be on the other end of that line.  Nope, not gonna happen.  I’ll sit with you over lunch, or swing from the rafters with you for hours… just don’t expect a phone to be involved.

A new study is out.  Using a cell phone is more carcinogenic than SMOKING.  Can you believe that?  I’m a genius for not wanting that contraption in my hand, much less next to my brain!  I need all the brain cells I have!

I am very upfront with people that I don’t like phones.  If someone asks for my phone number I generally give them my email address and tell them I don’t do phones.  And I have one friend who will email me and tell me to call her.  (I’ve been over this repeatedly.)  And she’ll call and leave a message and so I’ll respond to her on email.  I was at a board meeting recently and when they brought up the use of a phone tree, I told the whole group I don’t do phones.  It’s no secret.  I’m not ashamed of it and I don’t care who knows.  I still have one friend who refuses to except or respect this.  So she emails me to call her.  Aheh… Or calls me and leaves a message for me to call her as soon as…  Yeah.  Not so much. 

It’s funny really.  A company sending me a letter to tell me that I must call them.  And then a follow up email saying “please understand” and “call us.”  But yet they want money from me.  I can make a purchase online.  I can enter my credit card securely online.  But I can’t get them to complete my transaction online.  I really felt like writing back “please understand – if you want your money you’re going to have to email me about it.”  But no.  I guess I’ll end up calling them in the morning.  Grrrr